Play a Day: MIA
A woman sits at a desk stacked high with books. Her forehead is barely visible behind them. Someone peeks in the office looking for her, doesn’t see her, and leaves, thinking she’s out to lunch.
Tag: balance
Play a Day: It All Comes Out in the Wash
The stage is separated into four quadrants. Section 1: A white board. Someone is doing advanced calculations, attempting to balance an equation. Section 2: A couple trying to hang a painting. Hand motions: A little bit higher, a little bit lower,… Read morePlay a Day: It All Comes Out in the Wash
Play a Day: Lessons
A woman sits in a ball pit. Behind her, a YouTube video about how to learn to juggle plays on a projection screen.
Depression and Inertia
Once I’m feeling overwhelmed, it starts to feel like nothing will ever change and my options for making a difference in my own life are limited. All I can think of are the reasons I can’t do things or why even if I tried it wouldn’t matter because of course I’m just a failure and incompetent at life.
In other words, my brain lies to me.
Stress also makes me feel tired and fatigued, which makes me able to do less because I lack the mental and/or physical energy.
Which only feeds the cycle more.
Because my brain can then say, “See? You can’t even do your laundry or keep up with the dishes or clean the cat box. How will you ever manage X, Y, or Z?”
Then, the stress and guilt from not being able to do even the simplest adult tasks piles onto my other stress and makes me feel even more that I ought to just stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head forever.
Things I Want
I feel like the first step toward achieving a goal is to state it in some concrete way. I’m still waiting for my Passion Planner in the mail, so I might as well do it here for now. Here are… Read moreThings I Want
Hello, Again
Overall, life is going better for me. Being in therapy is making me realize how far I’ve come with developing coping mechanisms, and that’s positive. I am slowly creating the kind of life I want. Just more slowly than I thought.
I’m still not where I want to be creatively. It’s just hard to have the brain space to think about crafting performances when I work so much. And I have some creative people in my life, but I’m not surrounded by a creative community like I was when I was in school. It feels harder. I am rusty and less brave or willing to make mistakes as a result.
Strange Intimacies
I started house cleaning again to better make ends meet. I decided to charge more for it this time around, because I think part of the reason I burned out last time is that I was undervaluing my time. I… Read moreStrange Intimacies
Trying to Make Sense of It All
I’m happy with some parts of my life right now, and I try to be grateful for what’s good in my life. But there are other areas where I’m very dissatisfied. I’m not trying to throw myself a pity party…. Read moreTrying to Make Sense of It All
F*ck Capitalism
Another chapter in the “Being Poor Sucks” anthology. Using mint.com, I figured out that part of my problem is that I only accounted for monthly expenses in my budget. Less frequent expenses, like haircuts, oil changes, and renewing my car… Read moreF*ck Capitalism
My Black Dog
I’ve watched this video before, where the narrator compares his depression to a black dog who follows him around. Mine feels more like an estranged relative who decides to drop by for a visit even when they know they’re unwelcome. I thought… Read moreMy Black Dog